He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
