The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
