Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
