I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
