Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
