I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
