I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
