we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
