Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
