Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
