Say something about gay babies.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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