And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
