I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
did i just pee glitter
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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