? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
