Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
