We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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