I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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