If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
