But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
