i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
