Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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