you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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