You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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