i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
