I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
