we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
