I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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