Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
try to milk me bitch
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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