you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she pinky promised me she was 18
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
