I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bang-toberfest begins!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
