i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
