You're so nebulous sometimes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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