After last night, I could never be a politician.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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