no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
