wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
