is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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