roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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