in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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