I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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