I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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