help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
