Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
