ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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