Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
