Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
