Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Couch. On fire.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
