Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
