The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
