Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
