party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
