So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
