my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
