Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
