Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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